Because a legitimate season review of the White Sox would be frustrating.
This is a pretty simple exercise. Each player's 2011 season is represented by a beer, good or bad. Think my taste in beer sucks? Drop me a line in the comments with a suggestion, or send it to me on Twitter or Facebook.
Juan Pierre: Coors Light
I feel like I should hate it out of principle, but if you drink it fast, it's actually not so terrible. But that doesn't make me want another one.
Phil Humber: O'Fallon Pumpkin Ale
It's really good at the start, but it gets a little rough toward the end. Still, when you're done drinking it, you're really glad you did.
Gordon Beckham: Blue Moon
Every time I drink it, I have high expectations, but am always disappointed.
Paul Konerko: Goose Island Matilda
The best beer there is.
Alexei Ramirez: Three Floyds Gumballhead
A similarly great beer, although it doesn't get the national attention it deserves.
Jake Peavy: BrewDog Sink the Bismarck
It's super expensive and you're probably going to get hurt drinking it.
Alejandro De Aza: Goose Island Green Line Pale Ale
A fantastic beer you wish you saw more often, like in stores.
AJ Pierzynski: Sam Adams Boston Lager
Overrated, but hardly terrible.
Sergio Santos: Goose Island Demolition
A very good beer, but they only sell it in 650 ml bottles, so trying to drink the whole thing means you're going to be really tired and struggle to finish the end of it.
Chris Sale: Bud Select 55
Get it? Because he's skinny. (This in no way is me saying Bud Select 55 is good, in fact, I've never had it and don't ever plan to)
Brent Morel: ?
I can't think of a beer that tastes better at the room-temperature end.
Mark Buehrle: Schlafly Oktoberfest
A St. Louis-area brew that never blows me away, but is one of my favorite beers.
Adam Dunn: Goose Island Bourbon County Stout
I couldn't finish the bottle when I first tried it, and it was very expensive, but the next time I had it I really liked it.
Alex Rios: Red Beer
Budweiser and V8 is just an awful combination. And it's actually kind of expensive to get all those ingredients together, too.
Dayan Viciedo: Dayan Viciedo Founder Breakfast Stout
One of the best stouts there is, only released in September. (Via @Many_Vent)
John Danks: Shiner Bock
The Texas connection is obvious. A solid beer with good results, but the amount your friends talk about it makes you think it should be better. (Via U-God of South Side Sox)
Ozzie Guillen: Leffe Blonde Abbey Ale
Tastes great at first, but after you've had a few of them, the novelty wears off and you can't really stand the taste of it anymore. (Via mm)
Kenny Williams: Red Stripe
Every once in a while, you'll have one and it will taste really good, but for the most part, it always comes up short and disappointing. (Via mm)
Omar Vizquel: Old Budweiser
The old Budweiser that I found in the garage and for some dumb reason decided to drink it. (Via Scotch Man)
Brent Morel: High Life
I find that it finishes better than other cheap beers. (Via Jim from South Side Sox)
High Life is cheap and effective enough. Not the best option, but not Keystone Light either. (Via Tom from South Side Asylum)
Jesse Crain: Hamm's
Minnesotan. Comes at a fair price. Better than you'd expect, but prone to moments of extreme regret for the purchase. (Via U-God of South Side Sox)
Jesse Crain: Stone Ruination IPA
Way over the top in intensity, but delicious & worth the pricetag. (Via @Many_Vent)
Alex Rios: Keystone Light
But it's Keystone Light you payed $50 for. (Via Eriq Jaffe)
John Danks: The Commemorative Willie Nelson can of MGD in my garage
I keep it around 'cuz it could be valuable, someday (via the great Carl Skanberg)
Brent Lillibridge: Modus Hoperandi
Relatively inexpensive. Funny looking packaging on a deceptively strong product. Not readily available and much better in moderation. (Via U-God of South Side Sox)
Carlos Quentin: Goose Island Night Stalker
Strong, quiet, dark like that great set of hair, after a few you too will become injury prone. (via SouthSideSwaggr)
Shane Lindsay: Foster's
Australian, available most everywhere. Actually wanted nowhere. (Via U-God of South Side Sox)
Lastings Milledge: Beer 30
A low-cost risk that seems like it might pay off. It never does. (Via U-God of South Side Sox)
Tony Pena: Steel Reserve
The thought of what you spent to get either makes you want to vomit as much as the taste does. (Via U-God of South Side Sox)
Hector Santiago: PBR
He was pretty awesome, but you've probably never heard of him. (Beerleaguer)
Because my reaction to both was "This exists?" (Via James from White Sox Observer)
Because the hangover starts at the first sip. (Via @ChickHayden)
Obviously, I didn't hit all the players here, so suggestions are encouraged.
Ozzie Guillen: Leffe Blonde Abbey Ale: Tastes great at first, but after you've had a few of them, the novelty wears off and you can't really stand the taste of it anymore.
Posted by: mm | 09/30/2011 at 03:56 PM
Kenny Williams: Red Stripe: Every once in a while, you'll have one and it will taste really good, but for the most part, it always comes up short and disappointing.
Posted by: mm | 09/30/2011 at 03:58 PM
Omar Vizquel is the old Budweiser that I found in the garage and for some dumb reason decided to drink it.
Posted by: Scotch Man | 09/30/2011 at 03:58 PM
These are great. I threw them in the post. Keep 'em coming!
Posted by: JJ -- White Sox Beerleaguer | 09/30/2011 at 04:06 PM
Alex Rios: Keystone Light, but it's Keystone Light you payed $50 for.
Posted by: Eriq Jaffe | 09/30/2011 at 04:09 PM
Carlos Quentin: Goose Island Night Stalker, strong, quiet, dark like that great set of hair, after a few you too will become injury prone.
Posted by: SouthSideSwaggr | 09/30/2011 at 04:20 PM
There is a lack of any beer by Stone Brewery. Ruination is the best double IPA I ever had.
Posted by: Steve from Rockford | 09/30/2011 at 04:21 PM
Fear not, Steve, we just added Ruination to the list.
Posted by: JJ -- White Sox Beerleaguer | 09/30/2011 at 04:25 PM
Jeff Gray is Beer 30
http://beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/1422/32918
Because my reaction to both was "This exists?"
Posted by: JRFegan | 09/30/2011 at 04:37 PM
Mark Teahen- Miller Lite- No matter how many advertising gimmicks they throw at you, it still sucks
Posted by: Mike | 09/30/2011 at 04:56 PM
Jason Frasor is Old Style. It's kind of local, but that doesn't mean it's any good.
Posted by: Eriq Jaffe | 09/30/2011 at 04:57 PM
I vote Adam Dunn as Dogfish Head Repoterroir... This beer was supposed to be good when I ordered it last week. It's the collaboration of great minds (Allagash, Dogfish, Sierra, and Avery, but alas I drink it and all I can think of is overpriced dill pickle beer.
I like dill pickles a lot, they're by far the best pickles. They rarely disappoint... meh my case is dead.
Posted by: Daniel Stevens | 09/30/2011 at 06:59 PM
Well, Daniel, if it helps -- that was a better effort than 99 percent of Adam Dunn's at-bats this year.
Posted by: JJ -- White Sox Beerleaguer | 09/30/2011 at 07:06 PM
Oney Guillen: Corona
Mexican piss water. Only douchebags like it.
Posted by: Greg | 09/30/2011 at 09:31 PM
Dallas MacPherson - Bud Dry
It was around for a little while. Now its not there and no one really noticed.
Posted by: Peter | 10/01/2011 at 10:26 AM
Adam Dunn gets Cave Creek Chile Beer if he has another season like this -- priced like craft brew, but worse than even the cheapest stuff out there.
Edwin Jackson is Surly CynicAle -- pretty solid, but pricey and not so great that it pissed you off when it left town.
Tyler Flowers is Dark Hors Tres Blueberry Stout -- it's not available all year, and there are better stouts/catchers in the organization, but it turns out to be better than you expected it to be.
Posted by: Yinka Double Dare | 10/03/2011 at 03:59 PM
Oh, and like CynicAle/E-Jax, what you'll remember most about it is the other thing you lost in the deals (Hudson, Surly Furious)
Posted by: Yinka Double Dare | 10/03/2011 at 05:19 PM
Both your handle and the beer choices are fantastic. Bravo.
Posted by: JJ -- White Sox Beerleaguer | 10/03/2011 at 05:40 PM
Snow Snow on the ground
Sun is sinking down down down
Trees trees covered in Wight
People gasp at the sight
Posted by: Cheap UGG Boots | 12/20/2011 at 07:43 PM