Because a legitimate season review of the White Sox would be frustrating.
This is a pretty simple exercise. Each player's 2011 season is represented by a beer, good or bad. Think my taste in beer sucks? Drop me a line in the comments with a suggestion, or send it to me on Twitter or Facebook.
Juan Pierre: Coors Light
I feel like I should hate it out of principle, but if you drink it fast, it's actually not so terrible. But that doesn't make me want another one.
Phil Humber: O'Fallon Pumpkin Ale
It's really good at the start, but it gets a little rough toward the end. Still, when you're done drinking it, you're really glad you did.
Gordon Beckham: Blue Moon
Every time I drink it, I have high expectations, but am always disappointed.
Paul Konerko: Goose Island Matilda
The best beer there is.
Alexei Ramirez: Three Floyds Gumballhead
A similarly great beer, although it doesn't get the national attention it deserves.
Jake Peavy: BrewDog Sink the Bismarck
It's super expensive and you're probably going to get hurt drinking it.
Alejandro De Aza: Goose Island Green Line Pale Ale
A fantastic beer you wish you saw more often, like in stores.
AJ Pierzynski: Sam Adams Boston Lager
Overrated, but hardly terrible.
Sergio Santos: Goose Island Demolition
A very good beer, but they only sell it in 650 ml bottles, so trying to drink the whole thing means you're going to be really tired and struggle to finish the end of it.
Chris Sale: Bud Select 55
Get it? Because he's skinny. (This in no way is me saying Bud Select 55 is good, in fact, I've never had it and don't ever plan to)
Brent Morel: ?
I can't think of a beer that tastes better at the room-temperature end.
Mark Buehrle: Schlafly Oktoberfest
A St. Louis-area brew that never blows me away, but is one of my favorite beers.
Adam Dunn: Goose Island Bourbon County Stout
I couldn't finish the bottle when I first tried it, and it was very expensive, but the next time I had it I really liked it.
Alex Rios: Red Beer
Budweiser and V8 is just an awful combination. And it's actually kind of expensive to get all those ingredients together, too.
Dayan Viciedo: Dayan Viciedo Founder Breakfast Stout
One of the best stouts there is, only released in September. (Via @Many_Vent)
Ozzie Guillen: Leffe Blonde Abbey Ale
Tastes great at first, but after you've had a few of them, the novelty wears off and you can't really stand the taste of it anymore. (Via mm)
Kenny Williams: Red Stripe
Every once in a while, you'll have one and it will taste really good, but for the most part, it always comes up short and disappointing. (Via mm)
Omar Vizquel: Old Budweiser
The old Budweiser that I found in the garage and for some dumb reason decided to drink it. (Via Scotch Man)
Brent Morel: High Life
I find that it finishes better than other cheap beers. (Via Jim from South Side Sox)
High Life is cheap and effective enough. Not the best option, but not Keystone Light either. (Via Tom from South Side Asylum)
Jesse Crain: Stone Ruination IPA
Way over the top in intensity, but delicious & worth the pricetag. (Via @Many_Vent)
Alex Rios: Keystone Light
But it's Keystone Light you payed $50 for. (Via Eriq Jaffe)
John Danks: The Commemorative Willie Nelson can of MGD in my garage
I keep it around 'cuz it could be valuable, someday (via the great Carl Skanberg)
Carlos Quentin: Goose Island Night Stalker
Strong, quiet, dark like that great set of hair, after a few you too will become injury prone. (via SouthSideSwaggr)
Hector Santiago: PBR
He was pretty awesome, but you've probably never heard of him. (Beerleaguer)
Because my reaction to both was "This exists?" (Via James from White Sox Observer)
Because the hangover starts at the first sip. (Via @ChickHayden)
Obviously, I didn't hit all the players here, so suggestions are encouraged.