The 1992 White Sox vs. the Power Plant: who wins?

Monty Burns and Waylon Smithers assembled a team of stars, but that team probably wouldn't have beat the 1992 White Sox. Be warned, for there are heavy Simpsons references ahead.

Last year, I wrote a post for a different blog looking at how Smithers failed at optimizing Mr. Burns' team of softball ringers—poor scouting led to the Springfield team missing out on over 40 wins above replacement in talent. Of course, eight separate misfortunes didn't help and Springfield beat Shelbyville anyway, so the scouting failures of Smithers didn't really come back to bite Springfield.

But if that team of ringers didn't get its third baseman punched out for thinking Pitt the Elder was England's greatest prime minister, etc., how would they have fared against a real-life team? Because this is a White Sox blog and the episode aired before the 1992 season, let's say the Springfield Power Plant team was playing the 1992 White Sox in a one-game playoff.

That 1992 Sox team won 86 games and finished third in the American League West. Their decent season is usually neglected in favor of remembering the 1993 division champion squad, but that '92 team was hardly a bad team. And they could've beat a team full of supposed All-Stars.

Catcher: Mike Scioscia vs. Ron Karkovice

1992 was the last year Scioscia played in the major leagues, and rightly so. He posted a .568 OPS the year he turned 34—hey, look, a catcher seeing declining offense in his mid-30's—with a -0.9 WAR. Meanwhile, Officer Karkovice belted 13 home runs and threw out 33 percent of baserunners, helping him to a 2.0 WAR.
Advantage: White Sox 

First base: Don Mattingly vs. Frank Thomas

While Mattingly's defensive prowess certainly works in his favor, it hardly overcomes the elite offense The Big Hurt provided to the '92 Sox. While Thomas only hit 24 home runs in 1992, he posted a .975 OPS and a 7.6 WAR. Mattingly's OPS was about 200 points lower and his WAR represented an even bigger gulf at 2.3. Plus, Thomas didn't have any sideburns to trim.
Advantage: White Sox

Second base: Steve Sax vs...uh, Steve Sax

Cosmic. Saxy Boy was one of the worst players on both teams, compiling a -0.6 WAR in 1992. He played 143 games on the South Side in 1992 with an on-base percentage of .290, the worst of any White Sox regular that year. Not even the best lawyer could defend that OBP, if Sax could get one anyway. "You watch too many movies, Sax!"
Advantage: Push

Third base: Wade Boggs vs. Robin Ventura

Boggs was one of the better players on the Springfield team, and yet, he's easily eclipsed by the then-24-year-old Ventura. In his final season with the Red Sox, Boggs' gap power disappeared. The Hall-of-Famer's streak of seven straight seasons with 40 or more doubles ended that year, as Boggs hit just 22 two-baggers. He still played fine defense, which was enough to get him a 3.9 WAR—but Ventura played better defense and hit much better, leading to a 6.1 WAR. I'd also wager Ventura thinks England's greatest prime minister indeed was Lord Palmerston.
Advantage: White Sox

Shortstop: Ozzie Smith vs. Craig Grebeck

A knee injury knocked Ozzie Guillen out for nearly all of 1992, leading to Grebeck, Esteban Beltre and Dale Sveum seeing time at shortstop. Grebeck saw the majority of the time, though, and performed admirably with a .341 on-base percentage. But his WAR of 2.2 couldn't match that of Smith, who played his usual stellar defense en route to a 4.3 WAR. Finally, Springfield gets a win. "Man oh man, what a lifestyle!"
Advantage: Springfield

Left field: Jose Canseco vs. Tim Raines 

 
And we're right back to a win for the Sox. Canseco sock 26 dingers between Oakland and Texas in 1992, but his 2.1 WAR pales in comparison to that of the should-be Hall of Famer Raines. A .380 OBP and 45 steals in 51 attempts coupled with great defense led Raines to 6.0 WAR, nearly triple Canseco's value. Although Raines' value diminishes significantly when it comes to PED-aided rescuing of a player piano from a burning house.
Advantage: White Sox

Center field: Ken Griffey Jr. vs. Lance Johnson 

1992 was the last year before Griffey's power really developed, as the then-22-year-old hit 27 home runs before hitting 40 or more blasts in every year he was healthy until 2000. Johnson 1992 actually looks pretty similar to a Juan Pierre season, as he posted a .318 OBP while stealing 41 of 55 bases. His defense was his saving grace, leading to a 3.5 WAR for the White Sox center fielder. But Griffey easily beat that with a 5.4 WAR. Credit the brain and nerve tonic.
Advantage: Springfield

Right field: Darryl Strawberry vs. Dan Pasqua 

Outside of Steve Sax's matchup against himself, this is the weakest positional battle between the two teams. Strawberry battled injuries throughout 1992 and posted a -0.3 WAR while Pasqua—who had more at-bats than Warren Newson, Shawn Abner and Mike Huff—was slightly worse, collecting -0.5 WAR. Both teams might have actually been better served to have Homer Simpson as their right fielder—after all, he did guarantee he'd hit 3,000 home runs.
Advantage: Push

Pitcher: Roger Clemens vs. Jack McDowell 

Clemens dominated 1992, but he actually didn't dominate the White Sox. He made three starts against the Sox, allowing five runs in two of them. His July 2 start in Chicago was the only outing he made that year in which he didn't strike a batter out. But those were only three starts, and Clemens did strike out nine in seven innings of one-run ball against the Sox April 28 at Fenway Park, so the Sox didn't completely have his number. McDowell had a fine 1992 as well, racking up 5.0 WAR as a prelude to his 1993 Cy Young campaign. While McDowell actually finished ahead of Clemens in the 1992 Cy Young voting, Clemens had the better season. Bad starts against the Sox aside, Clemens represents a clear advantage for Springfield here.
Advantage: Springfield

Bench: Homer Simpson vs. Warren Newson

While Shawn Abner saw the most playing time of any Sox player not listed as a starter, we'll give the bench nod to Newson in this scenario. Newson posted a great .385 OBP in 1992, although his lack of power led him to be worth just 0.1 WAR. That being said, I think of Homer as a larger version of Pete Incaviglia, who led the league in strikeouts twice while hitting 20+ home runs in his heyday. With poor (actually, awful) defense implied, I can't see Homer being worth more than replacement level.
Advantage: Push

Intangibles: Mr. Burns vs. Gene Lamont 

Let's recap Mr. Burns' managerial strategies: 1) brain and nerve tonic, 2) hiring a hypnotist, 3) telling Darryl Strawberry to hit a home run and 4) over-playing the percentages by pinch-hitting Homer for Strawberry. Gene Lamont probably wouldn't have done any of those things. Plus, Lamont has major-league managerial experience and wasn't betting on the game.
Advantage: White Sox

Final verdict: The White Sox win, and it's not very close. All the Shelbyville Power Plant guy would've had to do was call up Jerry Reinsdorf and see if he could've hired the '92 Sox to play for him and he would've won, even if the Springfield team didn't fall victim to eight separate misfortunes.

Further viewing: Because we're trying to do anything to take our minds off the 2011 White Sox...well, here are some clips from the greatest Simpsons episode of all time.

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Jim]

That's it! You have found the answer to the Sox woes. The Sox need to be hypnotized by someone with the credentials to put them into a trance with his horrendous voice and mesmerizing, mind-stopping flubs. Get Dick Stockton (aka David Rose)on the line immediately!

[KW]

Thanks, JJ, for giving us White Sox fans a few laughs.

[mechanical turk]

All I hear is "White Sox win" and I'm delighted by the outcome. This is great.

Incidentally, I'm curious as to how the current Sox would fare if someone put out a signup sheet and the batting order and positions were done first come, first serve. Juan and his notoriously early arrivals would no doubt still be leading off, but would he play center field? Would Konerko want to try catching for a game? Would Beckham beat out Alexei and nab the shortstop gig for a game? Greg Walker arrives early, would he sign up for a stint in right field? So many possibilities.

[Tom]

Absolutely phenomenal post! But seriously, Warren Newsome vs. Homer a "push"? I think you are just being nice to Springfield!

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