Kablam! The Philadelphia Inquirer columnist scores a first-round knockout with his scathing indictment of the underachieving right-hander. [Link]
Our judges have reached a verdict, and the results are unanimous. Winner, and new champion: Jim Salisbury, for writing the best Phillies piece of the year, an uppercut blow that lands flush on Myers’ chin. He’ll read this. Oh, yes. Myers will read it and weep.
“The best pitching acquisition the Phillies might be able to make is sitting right in their clubhouse, probably with a long face, probably feeling sorry for himself, Salisbury writes. “His name is Brett Myers, and right now, he's killing this team. Right now, he stinks. If that's a little too blunt, too bad. That's the way the tough-guy righthander talks. That's what he understands.
“Yo, Brett, you stink,” he writes, like a gutbuster that ripples deep into Myers' midsection. “You're 3-8 with a 5.58 ERA in 15 starts. Your club is 4-11 in those starts. You're supposed to be better than this. Are you? Myers pitches tomorrow night against the Los Angeles Angels. It's time for him to start turning it around, time for him to start contributing, time for him to start pitching like the guy who was awarded the last two opening-day starts.
“It's time for manager Charlie Manuel to stop saying that Myers' spot in the rotation is safe, even if he has no idea who will take his place,” he writes, slashing open Myers' eye. “Adam Eaton was one bad start from losing his spot in the rotation in Houston last month. That's why the Phils lined up minor-league prospect Antonio Bastardo on his day. Eaton, a guy who has taken a lot of flak and never complained about it, responded with five quality starts heading into tonight's assignment against the Angels. Maybe it's time that Myers felt some of the urgency Eaton did.”
Yo, Brett. You've just been laid out by "Gentleman" Jim Salisbury. Now pick your tired self off the mat and fight.